What is Your Communication Style?

Hi Readers!

This week’s article is about the styles of communication. The holidays are on their way. This means more time spent in groups and in conversation. This article will help you identify the 4 types of communicators and will also give you an insight into which is the one we should all strive to be. 

The Passive Person

This type of communicator avoids the expression of opinion or feelings, protecting one’s rights, and identity and meeting one’s needs. Passive people exhibit poor eye contact and slumped body posture and tend to speak softly or apologetically. Passive people express statements implying that: “I’m unable to stand up for my right”, “I don’t know what my rights are”, “I get stepped on”, “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself”, “people never consider my feelings”.

The Aggressive Person

This person communicates in a way that violates the rights of others. These communicators are verbally or physically abusive, or both. This is born from low self-esteem, often caused by past physical or emotional abuse, unhealed emotional wounds, and feelings of powerlessness. Aggressive people display a low tolerance for frustration, use humiliation, interrupt frequently and use criticism or blame to attack others. They use piercing eye contact and are not good listeners. Their express statements imply that: “The other person is inferior, wrong and not worth anything”, “The problem is the person’s fault”, “They are superior and right”, “They are entitled and the other person ‘owes’ them”, “They will get their way regardless”. 

The Passive Aggressive Person

This communicator uses a communicator style in which the individual appears passive on the surface, but is really acting out of anger in a subtle, indirect, or behind the scenes way. Usually they feel powerless, stuck and resentful. Alienated from others, they feel incapable of dealing directly with the object of their resentments. Rather, they express their anger by subtly undermining the real or imagined object of their resentments. Frequently they mutter to themselves instead of confronting another person. They often smile at you, even though they are angry, they use subtle sabotage or speak with sarcasm. Their statements imply: “I’m weak and resentful so I sabotage, frustrate and disrupt”, “I appear cooperative, but I am not”. 

The Assertive communicator

This is the ideal communicator to be. This person communicates in a way that clearly states their opinions and feelings and firmly advocates for their rights and needs without violating the rights of others. This is born from the individual’s high self-esteem. Assertive people value themselves, their time and their emotional, spiritual and physical needs. They are strong advocates for themselves while being very respectful of the rights of others.

Assertive people feel connected to other people. They make statements about their needs and feelings clearly, appropriately and respectfully. Feeling in control of themselves, they speak in calm and clear tones, are good listeners and maintain good eye contact. They create a respectful environment for others and do not allow others to abuse or manipulate them. Their statements imply: “I am confident about who I am”, “ I cannot control others, but I can control myself”, “I speak clearly, honestly and to the point”, “I know I have choices in my life, and I consider my options. I am fully responsible for my own happiness”, “we are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one another”. 

To become an assertive communicator, you need to be confident and have good self-esteem. If you need and want to learn more, check out our articles about confidence, self-esteem and purchase our Guide to Self-Love e-book.

Be kind to one another

Julia, Sexologist.

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